Between homes

B (my boyfriend) and I are back for a few days in France. We’re here because we have to get all of our things, since we are moving to Italy. We didn’t spend too much time in our flat in France during July; we travelled a lot, we went to Bologna to find a new flat, and we visited our families. But all that time, whenever we thought about home, we thought about our little flat in France.

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This was the first time for both of us living with a partner. And it was possibly the best experience ever. In spite of some difficulties that living with someone brings, we managed to have fun and to deepen our relationship even more. I guess that living with someone brings a special kind of intimacy, because it becomes impossible to hide anything about yourself. You are nude in front of that other person (sometimes literally, sometimes metaphorically), and you get to know them on a deeper level. As scary as that might be, it is just as rewarding.

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We move a lot, we travel a lot, this year especially. Though we have our siblings and parents’ homes in our country, we don’t have a home that is our own there, and we come from different cities. So since the beginning our relationship was sort of distance relationship, though separated only by an hour or so by car or train. This year we were finally able to be to create a home that is just that – our own, to create our rules, to adjust everything to ourselves.

Now the time has come to leave it. We will be moving to a new place in a month, but leaving our first home is proving to be harder than I thought it would be. People get attached to things, to other people, to places, and it is so difficult to leave them. Change is hard; I’ve been thinking about change a lot lately. And though we would like to, we can’t always stay the same. The only certain thing is that change is inevitable.

However, the more I think about homes, the more I realize that home isn’t a place, or a space, or even people around it. Home is more of a state of mind. It means having certain freedoms, certain routine, safety, somewhere where we can be ourselves and relax. And tough I love our flat here in France, it isn’t the flat that represents home, it’s the two of us together. The fact that we were able to have those freedoms and routines with each other, and to open up to each other even more than before.

So, even though we have to leave our wonderful little space here that we have grown to love so much, I cannot but look forward to our new adventures. And yes, there will still be problems sometimes, between us as well as with our new flat (considering the fact that we’re moving to Italy, flat problems are basically bound to occur), but we will solve them just like we always did – together.

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Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

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